The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
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He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
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holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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