my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
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