At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
