dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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