It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
