The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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