So gin and wine won't be happening again
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
