we're blogging at a bar
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
