He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
