I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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