wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I am naked and annoyed.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
