At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
