I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
