We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
