ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Randomize
