i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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