If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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