69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
