Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
