is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
How does one acquire holy water?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
