i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
