Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
