matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
