Little spoons don't ask big questions
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
