I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
