do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
