you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
