If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
