You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
