Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
