im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
