hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
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