Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
