we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
