Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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