It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
