omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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