fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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