K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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