thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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