Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
