This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
