Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
