Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
