I think i peed on brittanys purse
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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