My brain says no but my pants say off.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
