Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
