woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
