This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
