I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
