It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
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Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
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