I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
