Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
