Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize