im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
