captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum