she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
She even gives head with a lisp.
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The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
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So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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