The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.