just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
