Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
