He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
