i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
