why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
