Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
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I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
When did angry sex become our thing?
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you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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